A guide to treating a girl in pain

Inside every woman lives a little girl. In this post I want to discuss the psychology of women or more narrowly, the way some women act and the things they think during fights, conflicts, and difficulties. This should not be viewed as disrespectful, just in the same way as it should not be viewed all-encompassing and final – no, this is just something I’ve stumbled upon during my relationship, and what I want to understand, and help anyone who reads this understand.

I have recently had a horrid and draining conflict with a woman that I love and she insulted me badly and hurtfully. Before this conflict we haven’t spoken for a number of days, and as with any situation, we had a certain history or runner-up events before the actual conflict.

I do not wish to provide details of the conflict, just some thoughts I have on the matter and my observations.

We were deeply and madly in love and over the past 2 months we were in a roller-coaster of a relationship: long-distance, constant fighting, moods not matching, not understanding and rarely willing to compromise.

During our last conversation I did my best to persuade her that I have only good intentions – I want to fill her heart with happiness, I miss her and I am apologetic. The fact that there was nothing to be apologetic about goes without saying, the fact that she broke up with me just a couple of days prior and has been calling me, nonetheless, should be explained.
Before these couple of days when we haven’t spoken she was quite moody and upset with me – and I tried to, again, send only positivity to her, in order to lift her spirit, and she caved. We had a good conversation. The next day she disappeared and we haven’t spoken for two days, a period, by the end of which I receive an email notifying me of our breakup.
Now the importance here is that she says – don’t reply, just leave me and be happy, and when I ask the question why, she flips! So I leave, and in another two days I start receiving calls which is an unprecedented event – she’s calling me, but doesn’t want to speak.

Then, I, tired of all these games, say that she has my full love, but she has to grow up and start acting like an adult and just state whatever she wants to say, and I will give it to her. ‘I just want clarity’. I leave her to herself, and she starts to get annoyed of my unwillingness to accept her attitude and nurture her to calm down, love her to flourish, and appreciate her presence. I get frustrated – and after a while of unwitting thinking and self-consolation I decide that I need to call her. This is, of course, greeted with much negativity and resistance, but the hurdles are overcome and I try to explain to her my position. She listens, and by the end gets me to understand that she’s unclenched, so I exhale.

Unfortunately, this has only been phase one, after which comes more examination and penetration of the brain. I hold out for as long as I can, but the anguish from selfishness and egocentricity is too much to handle – so I burst out with unease and despise. I, nonetheless, carefully, explain her failures to appreciate my efforts, my position and her wrongdoing. She retaliates with more conflict and then leaves the conversation.

Now that a general explanation has been brought forth, along I bring my thoughts and reflections.

A woman, no matter how confident, wise, sophisticated and unattainable – is a woman. And within her is a little girl, who hides until she is loved. And when she is loved she comes forth – she is vulnerable, but tender, capricious, but pure; and deceitful in her harmlessness. This is due to the experience she has gained of life, as a woman, and not a child. But, as a little girl she wants love. Some attribute this phenomenon to the term ‘daddy issues’, which can be found in a lot of girls.

So what you have to keep in mind is – be patient, and always (in this kind of instances, which you need to be able to identify) treat her like a baby. And of course this regards love and not respect – be careful not to cross the line with treating her like a child – because she needs love and care, not to be ridiculed by you.

She needs you to muster all that is in you and put it out there, like a blossomed flower, show your intestines, pour your heart out for her, and, depending on how mad she is, she will chose to accept it. This requires a lot of courage and acceptance of the character on your part, because if you really love and are loved, the reward will come in due course (unfortunately for some, it might take too long).

Now if you are close the problem is not that great – you force a hug and squeeze her tight, until she lets down her guard. And you will need to work on it. But for a long-distance relationship – this situation is tough! So you put in the maximum. And what you receive in turn depends on your investment.

BUT! Don’t rush to relax and call this a done deal – because you will soon be faced with the next problem – resistance. A girl will always have to resist, push your buttons to see how far you are ready to go, how heartily you approach this issue and that you are not faking. This is the most difficult part. This is the part of going the extra mile, putting out to a 110%, giving it your fullest! And if it works – you are back on the horse.

See, that capriciousness gets to play around when you present your vulnerability – that is why women are so insidious/treacherous/cunning! They can’t accept the things as they come, they can’t be truthful, they can’t go with the flow. They create hurdles and play games. And yes, that is the result of her ‘daddy’, or her ex fucking the girl up, and you paying the price to fix it. Or it’s the result of you fucking her up, in which case – man up and stop complaining. But it may be a mix-and-match situation… doesn’t matter. Remember – ‘When you accept someone, you accept their past too. Don't hold it against them later.’

So when you’re done with this part it’s her time to act. Now again, I remind you – a woman is not but a girl inside – so be cautious. If she still ‘fronts’ that means what you did was not enough, and she wants more. Now in my situation – there was no ‘more’. And this is why it went downhill for me. I couldn’t take this shit anymore. And I almost let her have what she deserves. See, another problem is – she assumes (different things) and accepts them with time (so in her understanding of the situation – she materializes her thoughts as the ‘truth’). Thus, it is your responsibility to first negate the effect of this and assure her of whatever is the real truth. And there are many more of this type of ‘shits’ to be on a lookout for, but I won’t cover them.

So, here I am, exhausted, emotionally drained and alone. Unappreciated, misunderstood, and thrown out the window. And if you are in this situation, there’s only one thing I can say – she’s the wrong girl. No person, no matter how much they are upset, will let you go through this emotional hell for them and leave you hanging at the end.
Now this, again, may be explained from different standpoints. She’s not the one, because:
• (and this is my case) the woman you’ve once fell in love with has become spoiled with your affection and attention;
• she became indifferent to you;
• you’ve caused her too much pain to be forgiven.

So, as I’ve said, since I don’t have the opportunity to console this little precious creature by a loving hug, kiss, smile, tears of care, and etc., I can only persuade her by my voice – which is a great weakness, with regard to the former. So a person needs a lot more energy and etc. to aid him if it’s long-distance.

And this is why I’ve lost my love. She’s there now, still a little child, alone in the world – because she has no one to talk to, no one to comfort her, sooth and revive her spirit, give her strength. Now I sit here and regret it very badly, because she will be okay – she will be very good, in fact. She is a beautiful, confident woman again, ready for the world, which admires her like a fruit beyond reach… But the child inside her is back, in the corner of her soul, injured, scared, disappointed, resentful. And growing a big-big force field, to protect her from any claws trying to reach. And there is nothing you can do about it. And it will take her long, before she can love again.

But, if she is intelligent enough, and if she loves you enough, she will come back. Because with you – she’s happy.
Otherwise, just slap the fucking bitch, and tell her to get out of your sight. Because you only live once, and you are not perfect, and you are not made of steel. And you hurt, you bruise, you are not impervious to pain, you are HUMAN! And if she can’t appreciate what you’ve done for her – well let her rot in fucking hell, ‘cuz the bitch fucking spat in your open soul.

This is how life goes, and how we carry on living it.

@музыка: Silence

@настроение: Despair, distrust, deceit and disposition

@темы: girls, women, treat, trust, hurt, love, pain, long-distance, relationships



U think that the person you love the most
Is the one who gave you so much hurt
I say that forever can come in a day
But forever in my heart u'll stay

I pray,
for nothing but success and happiness to come to you
And fill your heart and soul with joy, I do.
Its 18 thirty two,

Bright lights over my head as seconds pass through
One thing I want to pledge, is my allegiance to you.
Like MJ said in he's Song 'I'll be there for you'
and kiss you in your heart is what I want to do.

Times will pass, the scars u have will heal
But right now your so beautiful, in your high heels
Let me combine tomorrow and today,
To give you the best of me.

Loving you no more? That ain't me
Filling your eyes with tears of joy, that's what I want to be.
You looking at that dark blue sky,
I'm staring at this paper in front of my eyes

But the thing that makes us one is love
It's in our hearts and flows with our blood
So let the insanity stray within
Until you and I will be together again.

Imagine if I didn't have you one day
I can't, it's like living in a world with no air
So close your eyes tonight and see me in your sweetest dream
With sounds of Temper Trap's Sweet Dispostion in your ears

My baby, Mimishka, little teddy bear
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness is all I'm after
Just call my name, and I'll be there.

I call and hear three loud fast beeps instead of your voice
I guess you don't want to talk, u think it's just gonna be noise
Although I wanted you to listen
So now I'm sitting all alone, remembering that fight in the kitchen.



I don't know how long this post will be, or what I want to express with it. I don't have an image in my mind of what the post should discuss, what message should it carry. I am motivated, and I am writing this post mostly by the direction of my heart, not my mind.

There is no one or a line of events I would like to highlight. A lot of things have changed. I just want to express my fondness and happiness. I am happy. I thank God for this. I am motivated, I strive to succeed. I wish to excel and go beyond my, or mere human (for that matter), capabilities. I wish to LIVE!

Let me describe the line of events that have brought me to write this.

Firstly, it has been the fact that I have to hand in an assignment on Environmental law on the 5th of March. This may sound absurd, but I feel really good about myself in this regard, my determination to write a good piece of work, to start and finish early, to gain a high mark.

Secondly, and most relevantly, I guess, is the fast-approaching arrival of the Spring season. The Sun is out and bright, and I feel good when I walk under it, going to class and gym. Hence, my next point - going to the gym - namely, to the Northumbria swimming pool. There I put out, there I work HARD! Maybe not the hardest I can, but the effort I put in results in a tired and/but satisfying muscle ache. I came home today, after another work-out and went to bed for a good sleep. Got up to eat and will sleep again shortly. And tomorrow I will go to back to point one - work my ass on the essay. And during all of the above it's the chats that I have with my Gul'sum, it also influences me in a positive way.

My next point regards music. And there's been a lot of it, recently. It is in my laptop, as an alarm clock sound, I play it as I get ready for university, I play it during my walks to and from studies, I play it in-between things, and finally it awaits me at home, when I get back. And the interesting fact is that my roommate Manuel is currently working on a mixtape (accessible on nightrider.onphp.net - 'Casino Gents' post for February 24, 2012), as well as me going back to my all time favorites - namely Tupac and Michael Jackson.

Moreover, I have been recently watching a lot of videos on both of them and also stumbled on this:


But what inspired me to write this now was this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz10pfJxHME

And now the routine life is summoning me back inside, so I will go. But I am thankful that I had a chance to write this.

Back on our grind. (Many other stuff has taken place throughout the past months, but one of the most recent things that come to mind is me being accepted to an LPC course in London).

Good bye, and good luck!

@музыка: Techno-elektro-house (thanks to NightRider)



Just wanted to write down a couple of things... the feeling just came to me now (instead of sleep, which would be a lot more beneficial, but not as interesting)
- studies are good to great;
- life is good, inshallah;
- I love my Love, and live with love from my Love :laugh:
- need to re-customize my wall, settings and everything... and I guess twitter is a lot more fun than this... so I've departed from diary (partially) because it's a lot more succinct, interesting, interactive, time preserving. so followers and follow-worthy people, lemme know who you are and we'll interact there.

@Lushanman out


@музыка: Земфира - Не Пошлое

@настроение: nostalgic


О как...взялся за чтиво

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Спасибо Jenova Meteora



Иногда хочется, чтобы, навстречу мне, во время преодоления пространства мерным шагом, нацелившись впритык, вышла, появилась, вылезла, и т.д. большая пушка, ствол, винчестер, дробовик - заряженный и ломящийся от избытка пуль, как баба во время месячных, и желания их выплеснуть..да даже одной пули. И чтобы по мере поднятия головы, будто в замедленном режиме, видел палец, спускающий курок...а дальше темнота. ДЫРА вместо головы и клочки мембраны мозга разлетающейся по близлежащему пространству...и дыра...очень хочется ее определить - ЗИЯЮЩАЯ дыра...

в этом можно найти искусство? может я, сам прочитав это через несколько дней, офигею!!! но сейчас мне кажется это походит на искусство.

А еще у меня необузданная тошнота переходящая изо дня в день...это плохо...и в голову лезет такая вот картинка, из видео Мр Фримена...брррр, но за-то полное освобождение он пресыщавших мерзостей и не совсем...

After working for some time I though of another artistic, less beautiful and more brutal way of experiencing the extasy of releif - having one's head cut off with a huge heavy yatagan or those Ninja swords...I forgot the name. This being done in one pain free motion (just like 'Waxeene' in Friends :laugh:) and the rest is...eternity.

This brings the thoughts of Samurai Hara-Kiris and the Kamikazes (translation for the latter - 'divine wind' - amazing!). I know that suicide is against most religions, but the thought of the courageousness and pride overwhelming!

I'll be back with more...I guess

@музыка: Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the Way you lie pt. 2

@настроение: искусство саморазрушения


to be or not to be...

i vot ya opyat s toboy, moy miliy drug...tot, kto nikogda ne osudit, ne sprosit liwnego, ne dast dvusmislennogo vzglyada...i vot ya govoru tebe odno - ya lublu! i ya jizn otdam...ya takogo nikogda ne 4uvstvoval...naverno, 4em pozdnee v jizni eto osoznaew, tem silnee napor 4uvstv otkrivaeca, tem silnee smetaet tebya i tvou s nog...i tem silnee ho4eca bit vmeste....

mnogo misley proletelo...kak na4at' vtoroy abzac...a vot tak! :beer:

@темы: LOVE




I don't know if I've said it before, but at the moment I'm an intern at Grata Tashkent. And I'm FREAKING proud of myself. Not only is this a chance to learn, a chance to grasp opportunities of actually working side by side with the country's brightest lawyers; this is a chance to earn some money, be independent...welcome to adulthood - it sucks, you're gonna love it :).

I want to show off some of my newfound qualities as a paralegal (I've even have a business card that pronounces me that :)): efficient (when not in soc. networks or player.uz), team worker, team leader (at times - the three persons in our group are all alpha-, prominent, centric, opportunitygrabbers), and most importantly - goal orientated. YES WE CAN, and we will and we do.

But thats not the point. The point is I was at work till 22.30 today. The point is I haven't been out for the last 2 weeks. The point is I came up with a solution (not checked per se, but hopefully, solving) that will allow our progress bar get out of the gridlock! AND THE POINT IS - I'M LOVING IT (more than the McDonald's slogan could ever imagine). OK, now, I will take this GT Bulletin on Taxation in RUz 2011 and go read it before bed. And study some German. And be on TOP tomorrow. Sleep when we die. Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not!!!!!!!!!!

Love life - It may be a bitch, but bitches bring money, if u treat them with love (at times) YEAAAAYAH!!!

@музыка: Sixpence and none the richer - Kisss Me

@настроение: Success orientated

@темы: life, success, work



Люди бывают разные, но мне хочется сейчас посвятить этот пост людям, в целом, наверно. Блин, 20 минут назад открыл эту страницу и все забыл, пока шел митинг. Все, кроме главного. Так вот, в жизни несколько раз натыкался на людей - хороших, добрых, отзывчивых, проработав с которыми достаточно долго, понимал, что они pain in the ass. Одним из таких Персон (специально с большой буквы пишу, потому что в глубине души, испытываю к ним уважение, хоть они меня и бесят несусветно!) является мой дорожайший @izzat! И мой коллега Азиз. Так вот, дело в том, что этот тип людей - умные, смышленные, они иноваторы. И когда они что-то узнают, то преподносят информацию с подоплекой: "Да как ты мог об этом не слышать?!" Бесит меня в них одно - они никогда не видят свою неправоту, всегда строго стоят на выбранном курсе - очень упрямые люди. Это деструктивное качество, впринципе, ведущее в пропасть. Капитан Титаника, ведь, тоже, вполне может быть, сказал, а пох!!! сказал вперед, значит вперед - прорвемся. Ну так вот и у этих людей есть это качество. Самое интересное, даже ощущая свою неправоту, они, часто, будут идти наперекор, просто спора ради. И их очень тяжело переубедить, очень тяжело указать на неправоту, особенно, если у вас недостаточно хорошо развиты аргументативные навыки.

Но этим людям надо отдать должное - только с напористостью и уверенностью в своей правоте (в совокупности, с actual правотой) можно достичь чего-то в жизни. Эта настырность привела Гейтса к Уиндоусу и их она приведет к лучшим плодам стараний.

Но все-таки, они, сцука, нестерпимы!!!!

@музыка: The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

@темы: споры, люди - забавные и не очень



Интересно находить интересное. Я гордился собой в своем умении это делать. А что это, на самом деле? Умение нажимать на клавиши мыши и останавливаться на чем-то, где есть интересные картинки? И да и нет. Обнажурил для себя когда-то www.thesartorialist.com, потом что-то еще, потом ПЧ и обнаружил там много интересного! Все так изменчиво в этом мире. Вначале хочу что-то глубокое написать, потом - посредственное, дальше борюсь с ленью, теряю мысль, а потом пригубляю почти отвратительный чай из чашки, собравший слишком много вкуса из пакетика, так, что остается осадок во рту, но пробуждает, да причем...эээ отвлекли меня, спрашивали про фильмы на моем харде...этой коллекцией я тоже горжусь...эххх, опять муть. Ну ладно, уговорили, пойду поработаю. А вот и шеф пришел, терь надо закрываться, точно! :)

Кажись, я опять подсаживаюсь на этот сайт... и это даже не совсем плохо...Только моя грамматика сосет, хорошенько так! Лажа



At least 7-8 months passed since my last post.. what changed? a freaking LOT...will I write it out for U and ME? nope, I guess. Maybe I will. Anyways, TC



Just found out that I have readers. That someone has my diary in their 'IZBRANNOE'... made me feel better. Thnx 2 y'all guys. Haven't written anything in a long while. Rite now at the neighbors house trying to study and translate documents from Eng to Rus. A lot of things changed in the past ....something months and I really want to share for some apparent reason. I will soon as I have the time. Please take good care, share, write, express yourselves - LIVE in any way u can.


Michael Jackson we love you


Dreams continued - my notes

Just some observation I wanted to share. My dream was that I'm in KtKomba chillin with my friends, someone sucking faces, drunken people - the usual. And when I get to the room of the second bar, it appears to be a hall of Piramids, the holding alley between the rooms. Suddenly the door closes and the last thing I see is some man getting on the stage (place with topchans) and saying something about disrespect and I hear (behind closed doors) his bodyguards beating up someone. By that moment I understand it was the director or maybe owner of this place and I see the door open and this man walking out, beaten and bleeding. He says something to a friend that I overhear, don't remember exactly, but something like: man I had enough, I'll be back. So he walkes back in and again the door starts to close, and I see him grabbing that guy by his neck and hear gunshots...

I get worried, pick up all my stuff at the table, and there lies Mustik's phone, and I escort Shaha (???) and she starts talking to Iskandar-aka, who now stands near that same door. I walk around searching for Mustik and I try to enter the room near the one we were in but it's locked and I get worried. Now all the people have gothic-like painted pale faces. Shaha now stands with that same make-up, which is even wierder and I want to drag her away. Suddenly the door which was closed opens, and a....creature walks out, something like Marlin Manson, pale, scary straigh black hair, covered in blood (now I start thinking that he/it was responsible for the shootout or something). I start moving back down the hall, but there's a dead end and some peolpe behind me start panicing. I look at my hand and there instead of a cell appears to be a gun.

I point it at the agressor hoping that it would turn back, but it slowly, like in horror movies start moving towards us (I feel like I'm protecting someone behind me). I shoot to the head, but instead of dying it gets angry, screams and starts running towards us. We move back and a thought runs to my head, something that I wanted to test for a very long time. I stop, shoot a couple of times but since it doesn't help, I start running. I run towards the creature and a second before we collide I jump at it.

Everything is white, the little fear I had is gone. A second later I see the window in my room and I'm lying on my bed awake. It worked. All my childhood I ran from bad species in my dreams hoping to wake up. I lay there thinking of other ways I could kill it or avoid it in general. But it's just a dream and tomorrow I will write something new.

The gist: face your fears, even in dreams, face the enemy; the outcome will always be a brigh light anyway, if not that time, than some other time, so why fear?


Michael Jackson has passed Pt 2 - The memorial

Still down, still feeling sad and mourning for the loss of such a great person. I'm not planning on sharing my feelings right now, just to capture this moment, render this time, the memorial service for Michael Jackson. It is strange to me that this process was done from such an approach and in such a manner. Tickets sold for it?!!! I really dishonour the people behind it, trying to get an extra buck for the chance of the fans and friends to pay their tributes to such a figure. Something leads me to think that the father is behind this, and if so, this is just a new low for this person.... Don't want to go into more detail on that.

As for those who performed, or said words of gratitude and love, I want to pay my respects and say that Paris' Jacksons words touched my heart. THAT IS THE REACTION THAT I EXPECTED AND THAT SHOULD HAVE TAKEN PLACE IN THE HEARTS OF MILLIONS!!!!!!!!!!

Will add more as I go on thinking and developing my thoughts on that, and will leave it at this for now.

@музыка: Michael Jackson - Man In The Mirror

@настроение: Sad


Michael Jackson has passed

There are no words to discribe the feelings I am going through right now, watching numerous videos of MJ on youtube - his videos, reactions on his death, comments. It makes me feel so...vulnerable maybe. How could all of the present stars refer to the accusations that has dragged this miracle of a person, this inspiration to millions to MUD?!!!!!
I think of time, and of humanity. Wonder if something like this would have happened, had Tupac stuck around for longer. The dirty, the vile, the greedy people living among us, the former fans...those are the ones who did this to you. Those are the same people who first sat around chilling and laughing and dancing, enjoying yout records; and then though...hell why not make some money and blame a guy for some shit... Well FUCK THAT!!! You don't see all the other people, the vast majority of kids who've been in there with him saying anything, but since HE doesn't have proof. Well he doesn't need one!!!!!!!!!! All of him, his nature, his character - all of this tells us, those who BELIEVE, that he was nothing like that.
I shed tears watching some videos, listening to some songs and here's a tribute that I would like to publish, and praise and join in the urge to cherish the thoughts, the memory, the IDOL!!!

Michael Jackson (29.08.1958 – 25.06.2009)
there is still so much not said,
feeling that cannot be translated into words yet
but your music lives on
and through that, all of your fans will forever mourn

We will raise our glasses, raise our heads,
Put on the "Thriller" and say the words of love that we haven't said
But until then, rest in peace Mike
You're the best that the world has ever had

запись создана: 06.07.2009 в 12:50

@музыка: Michael Jackson - You are not alone

@настроение: MJ - ALWAYS IN MY HEART


The big wedding

Uznav o svoih novih 4itatelyah, i podbodrenniy poslednimi sobitiyami rewil napisat suda 4to-to. Uje prowlo mnogo 4ego i ya stoka vsego nezape4etlel. Korotko - u Oybek-aki svad'ba. Stay tuned for the news


Not surprised, but interested

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Интуитивно-этический интроверт (ИЭИ) — Лирик (Есенин)

@настроение: Gotta be starting something


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There's a lot u can learn when surfing the web, u don't even need to have an objective - the mere will of surf it for pleasure and information. Just a second ago an idea came into my head that in order to learn all the capitals of the world's countries does not have to be looking at the atlas; u can simply Google it, and u'll find it. That's what I did, and without surprise I found it. Then I thought it would be good to have a world atlas around so I found that as well, however what I couldn't find was an atlas without any text, so I could just learn where each country was located. But maybe I didn't look too well. However, when searching I found someone's blog, filled with all these pic's and stuff and there was a picture of David Belle. From Lingvo I've learned that parcoure is 'пробегать, проходить, проезжать; пролетать; объезжать; ходить по...' The idea is that the web can take u wherever u want, and further than that. But at the same time u need to remember to STUDY (gone to do contract law)

And most importantly, I found this work of art

The Motherfuckin Life I Lead