A guide to treating a girl in pain

Inside every woman lives a little girl. In this post I want to discuss the psychology of women or more narrowly, the way some women act and the things they think during fights, conflicts, and difficulties. This should not be viewed as disrespectful, just in the same way as it should not be viewed all-encompassing and final – no, this is just something I’ve stumbled upon during my relationship, and what I want to understand, and help anyone who reads this understand.

I have recently had a horrid and draining conflict with a woman that I love and she insulted me badly and hurtfully. Before this conflict we haven’t spoken for a number of days, and as with any situation, we had a certain history or runner-up events before the actual conflict.

I do not wish to provide details of the conflict, just some thoughts I have on the matter and my observations.

We were deeply and madly in love and over the past 2 months we were in a roller-coaster of a relationship: long-distance, constant fighting, moods not matching, not understanding and rarely willing to compromise.

During our last conversation I did my best to persuade her that I have only good intentions – I want to fill her heart with happiness, I miss her and I am apologetic. The fact that there was nothing to be apologetic about goes without saying, the fact that she broke up with me just a couple of days prior and has been calling me, nonetheless, should be explained.
Before these couple of days when we haven’t spoken she was quite moody and upset with me – and I tried to, again, send only positivity to her, in order to lift her spirit, and she caved. We had a good conversation. The next day she disappeared and we haven’t spoken for two days, a period, by the end of which I receive an email notifying me of our breakup.
Now the importance here is that she says – don’t reply, just leave me and be happy, and when I ask the question why, she flips! So I leave, and in another two days I start receiving calls which is an unprecedented event – she’s calling me, but doesn’t want to speak.

Then, I, tired of all these games, say that she has my full love, but she has to grow up and start acting like an adult and just state whatever she wants to say, and I will give it to her. ‘I just want clarity’. I leave her to herself, and she starts to get annoyed of my unwillingness to accept her attitude and nurture her to calm down, love her to flourish, and appreciate her presence. I get frustrated – and after a while of unwitting thinking and self-consolation I decide that I need to call her. This is, of course, greeted with much negativity and resistance, but the hurdles are overcome and I try to explain to her my position. She listens, and by the end gets me to understand that she’s unclenched, so I exhale.

Unfortunately, this has only been phase one, after which comes more examination and penetration of the brain. I hold out for as long as I can, but the anguish from selfishness and egocentricity is too much to handle – so I burst out with unease and despise. I, nonetheless, carefully, explain her failures to appreciate my efforts, my position and her wrongdoing. She retaliates with more conflict and then leaves the conversation.

Now that a general explanation has been brought forth, along I bring my thoughts and reflections.

A woman, no matter how confident, wise, sophisticated and unattainable – is a woman. And within her is a little girl, who hides until she is loved. And when she is loved she comes forth – she is vulnerable, but tender, capricious, but pure; and deceitful in her harmlessness. This is due to the experience she has gained of life, as a woman, and not a child. But, as a little girl she wants love. Some attribute this phenomenon to the term ‘daddy issues’, which can be found in a lot of girls.

So what you have to keep in mind is – be patient, and always (in this kind of instances, which you need to be able to identify) treat her like a baby. And of course this regards love and not respect – be careful not to cross the line with treating her like a child – because she needs love and care, not to be ridiculed by you.

She needs you to muster all that is in you and put it out there, like a blossomed flower, show your intestines, pour your heart out for her, and, depending on how mad she is, she will chose to accept it. This requires a lot of courage and acceptance of the character on your part, because if you really love and are loved, the reward will come in due course (unfortunately for some, it might take too long).

Now if you are close the problem is not that great – you force a hug and squeeze her tight, until she lets down her guard. And you will need to work on it. But for a long-distance relationship – this situation is tough! So you put in the maximum. And what you receive in turn depends on your investment.

BUT! Don’t rush to relax and call this a done deal – because you will soon be faced with the next problem – resistance. A girl will always have to resist, push your buttons to see how far you are ready to go, how heartily you approach this issue and that you are not faking. This is the most difficult part. This is the part of going the extra mile, putting out to a 110%, giving it your fullest! And if it works – you are back on the horse.

See, that capriciousness gets to play around when you present your vulnerability – that is why women are so insidious/treacherous/cunning! They can’t accept the things as they come, they can’t be truthful, they can’t go with the flow. They create hurdles and play games. And yes, that is the result of her ‘daddy’, or her ex fucking the girl up, and you paying the price to fix it. Or it’s the result of you fucking her up, in which case – man up and stop complaining. But it may be a mix-and-match situation… doesn’t matter. Remember – ‘When you accept someone, you accept their past too. Don't hold it against them later.’

So when you’re done with this part it’s her time to act. Now again, I remind you – a woman is not but a girl inside – so be cautious. If she still ‘fronts’ that means what you did was not enough, and she wants more. Now in my situation – there was no ‘more’. And this is why it went downhill for me. I couldn’t take this shit anymore. And I almost let her have what she deserves. See, another problem is – she assumes (different things) and accepts them with time (so in her understanding of the situation – she materializes her thoughts as the ‘truth’). Thus, it is your responsibility to first negate the effect of this and assure her of whatever is the real truth. And there are many more of this type of ‘shits’ to be on a lookout for, but I won’t cover them.

So, here I am, exhausted, emotionally drained and alone. Unappreciated, misunderstood, and thrown out the window. And if you are in this situation, there’s only one thing I can say – she’s the wrong girl. No person, no matter how much they are upset, will let you go through this emotional hell for them and leave you hanging at the end.
Now this, again, may be explained from different standpoints. She’s not the one, because:
• (and this is my case) the woman you’ve once fell in love with has become spoiled with your affection and attention;
• she became indifferent to you;
• you’ve caused her too much pain to be forgiven.

So, as I’ve said, since I don’t have the opportunity to console this little precious creature by a loving hug, kiss, smile, tears of care, and etc., I can only persuade her by my voice – which is a great weakness, with regard to the former. So a person needs a lot more energy and etc. to aid him if it’s long-distance.

And this is why I’ve lost my love. She’s there now, still a little child, alone in the world – because she has no one to talk to, no one to comfort her, sooth and revive her spirit, give her strength. Now I sit here and regret it very badly, because she will be okay – she will be very good, in fact. She is a beautiful, confident woman again, ready for the world, which admires her like a fruit beyond reach… But the child inside her is back, in the corner of her soul, injured, scared, disappointed, resentful. And growing a big-big force field, to protect her from any claws trying to reach. And there is nothing you can do about it. And it will take her long, before she can love again.

But, if she is intelligent enough, and if she loves you enough, she will come back. Because with you – she’s happy.
Otherwise, just slap the fucking bitch, and tell her to get out of your sight. Because you only live once, and you are not perfect, and you are not made of steel. And you hurt, you bruise, you are not impervious to pain, you are HUMAN! And if she can’t appreciate what you’ve done for her – well let her rot in fucking hell, ‘cuz the bitch fucking spat in your open soul.

This is how life goes, and how we carry on living it.

@музыка: Silence

@настроение: Despair, distrust, deceit and disposition

@темы: girls, women, treat, trust, hurt, love, pain, long-distance, relationships


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Спасибо Jenova Meteora



Иногда хочется, чтобы, навстречу мне, во время преодоления пространства мерным шагом, нацелившись впритык, вышла, появилась, вылезла, и т.д. большая пушка, ствол, винчестер, дробовик - заряженный и ломящийся от избытка пуль, как баба во время месячных, и желания их выплеснуть..да даже одной пули. И чтобы по мере поднятия головы, будто в замедленном режиме, видел палец, спускающий курок...а дальше темнота. ДЫРА вместо головы и клочки мембраны мозга разлетающейся по близлежащему пространству...и дыра...очень хочется ее определить - ЗИЯЮЩАЯ дыра...

в этом можно найти искусство? может я, сам прочитав это через несколько дней, офигею!!! но сейчас мне кажется это походит на искусство.

А еще у меня необузданная тошнота переходящая изо дня в день...это плохо...и в голову лезет такая вот картинка, из видео Мр Фримена...брррр, но за-то полное освобождение он пресыщавших мерзостей и не совсем...

After working for some time I though of another artistic, less beautiful and more brutal way of experiencing the extasy of releif - having one's head cut off with a huge heavy yatagan or those Ninja swords...I forgot the name. This being done in one pain free motion (just like 'Waxeene' in Friends :laugh:) and the rest is...eternity.

This brings the thoughts of Samurai Hara-Kiris and the Kamikazes (translation for the latter - 'divine wind' - amazing!). I know that suicide is against most religions, but the thought of the courageousness and pride overwhelming!

I'll be back with more...I guess

@музыка: Eminem ft. Rihanna - Love the Way you lie pt. 2

@настроение: искусство саморазрушения


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Life - death, existence

Сижу болтаю с Сэмиком о жизни его и моей и об успехе в жизни. Этот человек один из той горстки людей за которых я умереть готов. Эх... слава богу, что жизнь сложилась так как она сложилась. Много было испытаний, и много еще впереди, но.... Да уж, сила мысли - вещь непостижимая.

Уже непервая ночь, когда всерьез задаюсь вопросом, зачем мы живем? Тут еще Клан Сопрано, и там те же разговоры. Ужас.

Так давайте подумаем вместе. Зачем мы живем? Это наверное единственный вопрос на который невозможно найти ответа (все эти размышления насчет а)загробной жизни и б)феноменальных открытий и вечной жизни, у них хоть есть какие-то leads)... Так вот жизнь и смерть - одна длиться десятилетиями, другая - вечно. К чему жить, если одна безвыходно приведет к другой. Конечно можно говорить о клонировании и прочей bullshit, но это irrelevant. У человека один personality (в большинстве случаев).

Человек существует не для себя, а для своих близких. Можно поставить перед собой целью принести за весь lifetime себе или другим (to whom how :-)) как можно больше удовольствия. Вот я думаю (и корю себя за эти ужасные мысли) ну предоставить для родителей хорошую, достойную жизнь, старость. Любимой - то же. Потом детям, внукам. Ну в конце концов, все эти трудности, испытания, это просто distraction от нашего конца, смерти. И не поймите неправильно, это не со страхом, а с вызовом мысли. Ну к чему человечество идет миллионы лет? К атомной войне, к порабощению инопланетянами, к аппокалипсису?

Понимаю, что не первый и не последний кто придет к таким мыслям, как никак уже миллиарды людей миллионы лет живут, hence, думают; и до этого наверно до этого тоже додумывались. Ну и все же. Если есть purpose, должен же быть какой-то, что-то...FUCK!!! Maybe эти мысли потому и приходят что идет т.н. "черная полоса" в жизни, когда все не охота, все не складывается. Тогда может и приходят мысли - does GOD have a plan for me? Is there gonna be something in the end of this shit, i.e., will this shit come to an end, etc....

Конечно грех жаловаться на жизнь когда она течет ТАК, но все же, потребности человека безграничны!!! Вот завтра последний день моей поездки в Le Creusot (I will reflect on that later), а я спать не ложусь, с русской клавиатурой ебачусь. ДА ПОШЛО ВСЕ НАХУЙ!!!!!!!!!! Эти мысли - отговорка или stupid excuse to be held responsible for my own actions....сука мысль потерял. :apstenu:

@музыка: 2Pac - U Can Be Touched, 'N Sync - Selfish, Sugababes - Too Lost in You

@настроение: Smart....pretending... Depressive


Vot zawli s Izzohinom v library. Sidim figney stradaem, CV raspe4atali idem na rabotu apply delat. Jdem.
Dumaem o jizni, dumaem o drujbe
Dumaem o vsyakom, misli o bezduwnom,
I sidim s Izzohoy, kuwat sobralis
Upakuy, dodelay i logout, begi


Review of my trip. Seeing sister Haha (Shaha)

Oh man, that was crazy shit. Надо сесть и хорошенько все расписать. Thats the most I can do with my keyboard layout. The review of my trip. After arriving to London (L) I got down to the tube - THE FAMOUS LONDON TUBE, which is great, amazing and shitty at the same time, got a ticket for 4 pounds(!!!) and got to Russel Square. Stepping out in the rain with an ice cold face, headphones plugged and 2 heave-ass bags made me feel kinda special... Saw my sister...so small and so happy waiving me from across the road. She introduced me to her...friends. Now I realized I'm not so certain about wanting to go back home. These were some fine-ass харыпочkas....:alles:
V obwem...ups sorry. Well we went to the hotel which seemed very nice but kinda small, but then again Russel sq, center of fuckin London town. Met Akmal, who turned out to be a funny funky guy, and we have the same interest - Friends. He's a big fan, which was exciting to me. Had some whiskey in a bar. Funny thing - the hotel we stayed in is actually mostly run for students of the "Goodenough College".... What kind of a name is that. It's like, well, at least your in London, and here's a college that would be good enough for ya. And how about we name it that.... Its like the origination of the Halifax name (famous bank in UK). It came out from "Holly Fuck"... Izzo and Danny had a laugh about it and now Dan is Holly Fuck himself. ah off the topic again.

So... Akmal went from the bar strait to Heathrow - Tashkent. Me and my sis went out for....shit... To get something to eat with the Eards. That is Rupert and Catherin, my sister's ex-husbands sister and in-law-bro:roof:... After all these 10 years they still remember me. They are very intelligent and interesting people. Had a decent long conversation with 'em. Rupert cured from cancer, he's been in the army in the 80's and now works with the NHS. All so interesting. Catherin was asking a lot about Uzbekistan, and how are there still as much miliciya on the streets of Tash as it was back in the day....Damn, they even reminisced on how my uncle Durbek-aka taught english people how to drink vodka (they always need to be taught) on my sis's wedding. So many stories. And this couple is planning to get something like a Ferrari or something, a sports car. Fancy, posh. But so gentle, polite, friendly, kind, and even (forgive me Izzat) homey...They have a bit of Uzbek spirit still in them. That is rad.

Ok, this is part 1. I will get back to it, promise:dark:

the Eards

Near the Goodenough Club, soaking under the rain

@музыка: Beats coming from Izzat's room...Guessing Piligrim

@настроение: Beat down...for some reason

@темы: London p1


Fucked review

Oh blyat...
Da uj ne znau 4to i skazat. Koro4e tak poka ho4u pisat. Edu v poezde v London. Serdce bolit. Examin prowel. Visu Wengenskuyu polu4il (HUDOGA SHUKUR). Daje ne peredat vseh misley kotorie proshli 4erez moyu golovu za poslednie 24 chasa. No4yu ya ne spal i doljen bil gotovica k examinu. Vmesto etogo zapisival Seinfeld Bonke i stradal figney. Koro4e vkratce rasskaju. S Izzatom bilo u nas prodvijenie v otnosheniyah. 4asa v 4 nachav i do 7:30 mi s nim obsujdali politiku, otnosheniya s roditelyami, druzey, jizn, vse!!! Otnowenie k jizni i Z(budu ego tak nazivat) otnowenie k roditelyam i relationship ego s pahanom, vse eto menya silno zainteresovalo i vizvalo more 4uvstv vnutri. Ya obnarujil v sebe ewe bolwee jelanie izu4at' psihologiu i voobwe kakoy-to vnutrenniy zov k ponimaniu i pomowi ludyam putem predostavleniya im prostoy vozmojnosti izlit' svoi 4uvstva, 4uvstva sobstvennoy zna4imosti (spasibo Dale Karnegie za to4noe opredelenie termina).
No v to je vremya wimit serdce. Po4emu-to poyavilas potrebnost, vernee o4en bolwoe jelanie samomu govorit...Ehhh naverno lu4we vsego zapisivat' golos...edakiy golosovoy (audio) blog sozdat... prosto narration of my own feelings. Then we started talking about politics and the perspectives or possibilities of realization of personal tactics, political ambitions. I don't think it's a good idea to write some comments on that on the NET, people that know (if I even publish the damn post).
Then, from an argument it became a discussion and even a monologue about Z's relations within his family, his dad. I was very pleased he had opened up, and amazed at the story of...what he knows about his dad. And their relationship (father-son). This made me realize, once more, how thankful I am to my parents and how much I love them. I also thought that...What is this life? Something I don't deserve!!! Fuck sometimes I hate myself....Lana tut baba sidit kakaya-to ryadom, ne ho4u 4tob ona vse ponimala
Stolko vsego ewe mojno skazat...Skoka vawe 4ustv peremikalo v moey golove....Ter', v poezde ne mogu 4e-to vspomnit....Nu ladno esi 4e, podumau dobavlu

@музыка: When we ride on our enemies

@настроение: Sopranos...No fuck me, I ain't worth the fuckin shit


XMAS in Newcastle

Just a quick note of what Izzat reminded me I should do. Firstly, Izzat and I...had a haircut... it looks something like this
Believe me, you don't want to even imagine the process of cutting hair in the privacy of our own bathroom: :alles:">

Went to walk around the city and it was surprisingly empty....as in dead. No store, shop or fast food was open today and we walked around the city with Dan, roaming the empty streets...creepy. feels like Resident Evil or something like that.

Anyway, another thing is that tomorrow is work, gotta get up early, especially taking into account the working times of the buses.

Lastly, this video brought up Izzat's comment, that if something similar to this would have occurred with Ace of Base song "All that She Wants", the Uzbek musical industry would experience a Major...as in MAJOR increase....We all went through a faze of singing "Al machibo..." in our kindergartens... Ok just check it and you'll know what I mean:jump3::tongue:


Today I had a life change experience...one might say... It was interesting. Today I had an allergy. It all happened as usual - nuts!!! These little damn things ruined not one night out for me, and at this moment I am confident in saying that I am through with them. If I am not, you should print out this page and stick it in my face. Hehe... Well, after eating one too many of 'em, and having a couple of energetic drinks (I was not willing to drink tonight) over them, I started swelling up and itching. After meeting Audrey, Simon and another couple of guys (why are there never chicks in this company?) we headed to the "Northern... something..." pub. The bouncer greeted us, and I was afraid he would think that I am drunk or something, cuz by that time my eyes started to swell (I think its the right word)...Having entered Izzat met some Russian friends and introduced me to 'em, but I was, at that time so sick I said pleased to meet you, and headed to the hospital, that I knew, was right around the corner...The guys (I'm flattered) rushed to follow me, and I convinced Simon not to leave. Audrey was also looking worried. By the time we got to the Leazes Wing reception we found out they couldn't help us and we needed a taxi to take us to another place, where I could get the necessary medical assistance. I went to the bathroom, and there I found out how extreme the situation was!!! My face was mixed of pale and red colors and my eyes where so red, face so swollen that I looked like a fucking amphibian-man...It was shocking. I was not ready to see my perfectly modeled face so crazily damaged (hehe, just kidding). And now the most interesting part!!! - I went out and Izzat told me its gonna take the cab 30 mins to pick us up. I went out to get some fresh air and started seeing spots. I tried to breath steadily to gain control over my body, stop panicking. Then, when that didn't help and Izzo went out with me the spots got bigger. More and more, green and bluish, till I couldn't see anything in front of me. Izzat helped me get inside, and sit down, cuz I was almost falling down and was not even able to see the bench right beside me. For a moment I thought it was the end, I'm gonna lose consciousness, and die...yep this actual though ran through my mind when I remembered a little earlier an incident I heard on the news, where a girl died after her boyfriends kissed her. He ate nuts before that, and the ambulance did not come in time. May she rest in peace....Well, yeah I did think that, and it may sound funny, but as much as I always told myself I wasn't scared of death, I thought about my parents. I was thankful to Izzat, who was sitting to my right, but he just didn't understand the suckiness of the position I was in. I asked for some water and started breathing deeply. Another funny thing is that, by remembering a scene in 'The Incredible Hulk', where Edward Norton was learning how to breath correctly to control his anger strikes, I actually applied it. And the amazing thing is that it helped. I gained a decent degree of control over my body, and even though my neck was killing me for some reason, I started to regain my vision. In time was more or less able to talk and, when I heard the receptionist wanting to cancel the ambulance (yep she requested one earlier, and I really don't know why she wanted to cancel it) I screamed out not to. Well, I tried to scream, but it came out, like a loud whisper. A nurse came down to look at me while we were waiting for the paramedics to come. She tried to talk to me, to take my mind off the pain, and I was... for some reason...really trying to be pleasant and friendly. I even told her how I hate myself for ruining Izzats night. Hehe... The paramedics came, asked some questions and took me to the ambulance. In a fucking wheelchair. I felt...cold...chilly. When I was already in the car, the lady gave me a mask to breath, and some medicine, inserted intravenously into my hand. In time all came to normal, but I was still chilly, even in ague (I think its the right way to say it)... Well at the end of it. I got into a ward, and while waiting for a doctor to see me talked to Izzat. I really appreciate him being by my side in such a situation. After waiting for an hour for the doctor I decided to leave, without being inspected. We went out and headed to the city center. Having decided to have a snack at McDonalds, we went home telling each other 'I remember...' stories...
I really wanted to share all my feelings with someone. I haven't actually shared all of my near-death experience (I would like to regard it as that, at least to an extent) with anyone, and I feel that sharing it with a diary, helped.....And one more thing I discovered tonight is...that I am AWESOME


And here are some photos I wanted to share:

While walking to the city center we decided to take some photos near monuments and stuff. A really appropriate time to do so, we thought to ourselves:jump3:

You can see how my face is still swollen

And here he is - My HERO: :beer:


Zdes v Europe kak vi znaete, vse lyudi ot mala, do velika vsegda vihodyat v svet, kuwayut gde-nibud'. Po etomu restoranniy bizness procvetaet...nu ladno, 4e-t ya ne v tu step.
Segodnya mi s Izzatom soverwili neveroyatnoe. Vstretilis s nim v centre goroda, i rewili osmotreca horowenko. Powli kuda glaza gledyat, a vernee 4erez reku v Gateshead (drugaya 4ast goroda) v bolwoy Mega-Mall pod nazvaniem Metro-Center. On do nedavnih por yavlalsa samim bolshim v Europe. I poyti mi reshili peshkom... Perviy 4as vse shlo bez problem. Mi proshli 4erez Millenium Bridge, uvideli nebolshoy koncert sovremennoy musici - hip-hop i poshli dalshe. Kakim-to obrazom popali v prestijniy rayon, a tam policii mnogo, mi dumaem, nu ohrana, dorogih kvartalov. Okazalos tam proizoshlo prestuplenie... ne znau kakoe. No prishlos idti obratno... V kakoy-to moment mi zabreli v spalniy rayon, dorogi pustie, ludey ne vidno.

Wli-wli-wli i u prohojih sprosili kak do etogo Mall-a dobraca. Nu nam pokazali v kakuyu storonu avtobusi idut, a mi reshili sekonomit, proytis.
Eto bilo ne pravelnim resheniem. 4erez 4as mi dobralis do Metro Centra, ne ustavshie poka, no nashe pozitivnoe nastroenie potihonku nas pokidat na4alo. Okazalos 4to v 5 vse zakrivaetsa, a vremya 4:15...hehe... Bistro probejalis po magazinam, prosto zaglyanuli tuda-suda...

Nashel takie shtani kotorie vi hoteli, 4tob ya kupil. I stoyat ne o4en dorogo. Next- 38 funtov. Budem jdat sale-ov. Ewe progulyalis ustavshie seli na avtobus i poehali....4as do kone4noy stancii. Kogda priehali okazalos 4to mi s drugom konce goroda ot mesta kuda nam nado bilo...Ne osobo univaya, hotya holod nastupal soba4iy, a ya v odnoy mayke, mi poshli peshkom do Izzata obwejitiya...kotoroe po idee bilo v polu 4asah hod'bi (kak vi ponyali mi lubim sebya pomu4at i pohodit). Doshli do avtobusnoy ostanovki, viyasnilos, 4to suda pridet avtobus 4erez 3 minuti i otvezet nas v centr goroda, a ot tuda 15 min do moego obshejitiya. Jdali mi ego 10 minut, prodrogli, a kogda on poyavilsa v dali, podyehal i...proehal ryadom s nami.
Ujas. Lan zatyanul. 4erez 40 minut mi bili u menya doma. Prigotovili pizzu, 4ay i pirog s kuricey i gribami. S udovolstviem poeli, t.k. propustili lunch, ne zavtrakali (anything goes well on an empty stomach) i nashi puteshestviya na segodnya kon4ilis. Teper u menya bolit spina, i ya spat lojus v 11.
Nadeyus vam ponravilsa moy rasskaz... eto 4to-to tipa malenkih odnodnevnih memuarov....hehe...

Do skorogo


Actually this is a copy of my letter to my mother. So as you are guessing, there is much more into the story....Basically it was fucked up, and we are total idiots to do this kind of crap...But at the end of the day... well, it was fun.


Just out of course representative elections... all shaky. I was nominated. Hope I will be chosen by the masses....hehe... but I was really nervous, although everyone said I did a good job. Hope so. Now going to my dining room, where I will have dinner with Izzat. Need to write smthin more interesting...... But what?????????? :alles:


Today was kinda boring... Done with my preparations for the big trip. Listnin to The Game - Game's Pain and Nickelback - Rockstar... Mixed feelings. Gonna miss TC... Sit back watch Game throw his money in the sky


So here I am. At this new place, with my new life ahead of me. How do I feel? how do I feeeeel????...... Gotta think about it. Its wierd. Its good. Kinda miss home, but not in a homesick way. The people are nice, and friendly, but the white-blondehair-red-face dudes and chicks are gettin on my nerves. Made some friends. Hit on chicks. Didn't have sex though. Got drunk once. But i'm done with the fooling around thing. Time to get serious. Picked up three books at the library, and sitting with a banana by my side to study, and get a snack :). Write more l8r. peace:dark:


One girl left, and before I start feelin' bad, I find another one 2 hit on... Twice: first my baby leaves for France, and I hang with T., now she left... and before I start feeling bad, "I stop, and be awesome instead", hangin with Z... Damn I'm bad... But u know what they say - Don't Hate the PLAYER, Hate the GAME...
This is it... another day of my life waisted on some bull... Although I did some good stuff, like....well transferring money to the uni and purchasing a ticket to UK where the things that put all plans to an end. But I do have 1 thing left undone, and it's the library fees. But one prick just won't return the money he owes... I think he deserves some good ass kickin'. I would just love to beat him up, just for the hell of it... but, oh well. fuck him. he ain't worth the time... Don't know why... but i just couldn't open my odnoklassniki site.... and now i'm in... another sms from Z... I just asked her out 4 lunch... what she say? nothin interesing... Damn I miss my homies up in the USA... This goes out 2 Sam and Rovsh, my real "rodnie"... my babies...
Ok maybe i'll post smthin more later
Later ;)


Ну здрасте... вот и зарегились на этом сайте с желанием поделица со всеми, а в первую очередь, и с самим собой, всем что происходит в мире, и в моей жизни. Зовут меня Улугбек и мне скоро улетать в UK...волнуюсь... новая жизнь начнется через 4 дня... Жди продолжения



U think that the person you love the most
Is the one who gave you so much hurt
I say that forever can come in a day
But forever in my heart u'll stay

I pray,
for nothing but success and happiness to come to you
And fill your heart and soul with joy, I do.
Its 18 thirty two,

Bright lights over my head as seconds pass through
One thing I want to pledge, is my allegiance to you.
Like MJ said in he's Song 'I'll be there for you'
and kiss you in your heart is what I want to do.

Times will pass, the scars u have will heal
But right now your so beautiful, in your high heels
Let me combine tomorrow and today,
To give you the best of me.

Loving you no more? That ain't me
Filling your eyes with tears of joy, that's what I want to be.
You looking at that dark blue sky,
I'm staring at this paper in front of my eyes

But the thing that makes us one is love
It's in our hearts and flows with our blood
So let the insanity stray within
Until you and I will be together again.

Imagine if I didn't have you one day
I can't, it's like living in a world with no air
So close your eyes tonight and see me in your sweetest dream
With sounds of Temper Trap's Sweet Dispostion in your ears

My baby, Mimishka, little teddy bear
Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness is all I'm after
Just call my name, and I'll be there.

I call and hear three loud fast beeps instead of your voice
I guess you don't want to talk, u think it's just gonna be noise
Although I wanted you to listen
So now I'm sitting all alone, remembering that fight in the kitchen.



I don't know how long this post will be, or what I want to express with it. I don't have an image in my mind of what the post should discuss, what message should it carry. I am motivated, and I am writing this post mostly by the direction of my heart, not my mind.

There is no one or a line of events I would like to highlight. A lot of things have changed. I just want to express my fondness and happiness. I am happy. I thank God for this. I am motivated, I strive to succeed. I wish to excel and go beyond my, or mere human (for that matter), capabilities. I wish to LIVE!

Let me describe the line of events that have brought me to write this.

Firstly, it has been the fact that I have to hand in an assignment on Environmental law on the 5th of March. This may sound absurd, but I feel really good about myself in this regard, my determination to write a good piece of work, to start and finish early, to gain a high mark.

Secondly, and most relevantly, I guess, is the fast-approaching arrival of the Spring season. The Sun is out and bright, and I feel good when I walk under it, going to class and gym. Hence, my next point - going to the gym - namely, to the Northumbria swimming pool. There I put out, there I work HARD! Maybe not the hardest I can, but the effort I put in results in a tired and/but satisfying muscle ache. I came home today, after another work-out and went to bed for a good sleep. Got up to eat and will sleep again shortly. And tomorrow I will go to back to point one - work my ass on the essay. And during all of the above it's the chats that I have with my Gul'sum, it also influences me in a positive way.

My next point regards music. And there's been a lot of it, recently. It is in my laptop, as an alarm clock sound, I play it as I get ready for university, I play it during my walks to and from studies, I play it in-between things, and finally it awaits me at home, when I get back. And the interesting fact is that my roommate Manuel is currently working on a mixtape (accessible on nightrider.onphp.net - 'Casino Gents' post for February 24, 2012), as well as me going back to my all time favorites - namely Tupac and Michael Jackson.

Moreover, I have been recently watching a lot of videos on both of them and also stumbled on this:


But what inspired me to write this now was this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz10pfJxHME

And now the routine life is summoning me back inside, so I will go. But I am thankful that I had a chance to write this.

Back on our grind. (Many other stuff has taken place throughout the past months, but one of the most recent things that come to mind is me being accepted to an LPC course in London).

Good bye, and good luck!

@музыка: Techno-elektro-house (thanks to NightRider)



Just wanted to write down a couple of things... the feeling just came to me now (instead of sleep, which would be a lot more beneficial, but not as interesting)
- studies are good to great;
- life is good, inshallah;
- I love my Love, and live with love from my Love :laugh:
- need to re-customize my wall, settings and everything... and I guess twitter is a lot more fun than this... so I've departed from diary (partially) because it's a lot more succinct, interesting, interactive, time preserving. so followers and follow-worthy people, lemme know who you are and we'll interact there.

@Lushanman out


@музыка: Земфира - Не Пошлое

@настроение: nostalgic


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I just made a wish at 20.11 on the 20.11.2011
Hope you didn't miss those magic numbers


The Motherfuckin Life I Lead